CHANGSTAR: Audiophile Headphone Reviews and Early 90s Style BBS
Non-Audio Stuff => Random Thoughts => Topic started by: graean on June 25, 2015, 01:27:18 AM
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I understand that there are varying levels, sides, interpretations, circumstances, and experience levels in talking to other people. And that when there is mismatch, one or more of the parties will come off as an asshole. It could be hyping gear, because you really really believe in it and it passes your personal tests, objective and subjective after spending some good time with it, or right after a gut reaction. And fear of becoming an asshole is an issue to me, and I guess many of us, as we try in our own ways to tell someone else how we hear things and our ideas. So let this be a thread of both sides. Of pissing people off and feeling bad or righteous and of getting flamed or screwed, whether because the person was simply stupid, incorrigiblely blunt, going through tough times, or is emotionally or intellectually incompatible.
As for levels, from decent to worse: testing with a question or statement, playful (off topic) joking, objectivity assault, assault on other's intelligence due to own lack of research into the other person and field, prolonged and irrational personal insults, Nwavguy inssurrection
For me, I feel like I'm an asshole when I don't contribute to someones topic or when I start a thread or request like this. So I still have that feeling going into this, and I try to make sure as high a percent of the readers will be able to understand. In a personal encounter, it usually courtesy, but I have a long face because I spend a lot of time reading and doing house work, in addition to regular ol' work, so I look pissed or long-yard starey. That's from me thinking and being tired so much of the time.
Others come off as assholes to me . . .almost never, unless it directly affects my wellbeing, and I can recognize it so (like I see my emotions from it bleed into family interactions, etc). Then I distance myself and exercise of something. So basically I trace responsibility back to myself.
It's kinda hard to balance opinion with consensus, responsiveness, and suggestion, especially if I've had a long day. But. My own self. So a somewhat universal philosophical underpinning on this here cranny in the audio hobby.
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U suck! *:p :)p17
Personally I like to flip the script and put the onus on the end user. If you are offended by something it's your own fault. Shifting the burden the other way makes no logical sense and is simply non-sequitur. Western Victorian sensibilities of niceties are cute and all, but they promote insecurity and weakness. Better is the man who can stand in the face of a Hurricane than one who succumbs to a gentle breeze.
Most internet issues are either the result of lexical ambiguity due to lack of emoticons, language barriers or usually just a douchebag on the other end of his keyboard's kingdom. The typed word in the PC era amplifies emotion because EQ gaps are filled by personal bias and prejudices. I bet many issues would be resolved if people were forced to write cursive or hand written words using a tablet instead of a keyboard over the internet.
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Sybmolism is so cool like that--that we have words and little context and fill them in. Internet is not a context starved domain. So Changstar has its own histories of what is acceptable atop those just normal from everyday life. Because there is no universal authority or immediate danger. So drama.
Its so useful for me when people fight online, especially if they are well informed. Even a well-informed, well-self-thought person because by the time its over, the conclusions about the product or service and reliability of the authors becomes apparent and it helps me identify patterns in the future.
But getting into fights myself. I try to avoid them but sometimes its like its to easy and fun to just walk into it and see the other person pissed off. And then realize why the hell their pissed off and feel sorry about it, slightly, and then nod it off. I once got my fingerprints on a multithousand dollar 270 mm yanagiba (sushi) in Beverly Hills at one of the two japanese cutlery stores there. I was trying to feel the consistency of the grind and polish of the knife, since I could still see hammer marks and kinda swirly marks from a kinda okay polish job. Note that the metal was damn hard, about 64 rockwell, and it was honyaki, the most esteemed of the knife constructions, and a sushi knife, the most esteemed of Japanese knives, and that I went there right after work at a CNC lathe (I smelled like coolant, oil, sweat, dirt, burnt metal).
So. Yeah. They guy, who was from Japan, and a smith himself, was pissed. Wiped the knife down furiously in tsubaki oil and took it to another building, separate from the store front. He, in that passive aggressive enemy for life kind of Japanese pissed.
That's the kind of asshole I'm like. In pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, and experience! (and in concession to the consequences!). Especially where there is little cross analysed conclusions and only traditional (or figureheaded) authority.
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Well, at least it wasn't his katana...
P.S. How does my dictionary not have katana in it by now!?
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This thread is stupid. It's unavoidable being an asshole to some thing, some person, some animal. I'm sure the Pope is an asshole to somebody. The Dalai Lama is an affront to the Chinese. CEE TEE tries not to be as asshole, but I'm sure the somebody on the Internet thinks he's an asshole when he (CT) runs over that person's base in Clash of Clans.
The point is, if you actually manage not to be an asshole to anyone, then you are probably a spineless piece of shit.
FWIW, if you want to play nice, here is a good place to go: http://headphone.guru (http://headphone.guru)
There are advantages and disadvantages to the approach you choose. Just pick the right one for you.
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I do think that the western world, particulary the U.S., is obsessed with not making offense, a fear of taking a stand that may be abrasive. A friend once said to me "you have to embrace your inner asshole". Ie quit worrying about what people think of you.
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Asshole is OK, just don't be a fuckhead (http://davidgerard.co.uk/fuckhead.html).
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I do think that the western world, particulary the U.S., is obsessed with not making offense, a fear of taking a stand that may be abrasive. A friend once said to me "you have to embrace your inner asshole". Ie quit worrying about what people think of you.
The western world, especially the US, is obsessed with not making offense? Oh please. No offense (and no pun intended), but coming from the Far East and having lived in the US as well as Korea and Japan, I can guarantee that Americans are far more prone to swear and make politically incorrect jokes in public than what most of us are accustomed to. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, in fact I do prefer such atmosphere and hence one of the reasons I like Changstar better than HF. Cutting the bullcrap and being straight-up honest, not being afraid to make an enemy or two, even if it means being an asshole to some self-righteous hypocritical pricks.
There are some online headphone communities in my country, comprised of seemingly decent-speaking folks, but all they do at the end of the day is to sugar-coat one crappy gear after another with fancy yet vague adjectives that have no objective value, treading carefully not to upset anyone but to my eyes nothing but a bunch of morons who are not there to discuss audio critically but rather to justify their blind purchases by sucking each other's cock. A typical comment by guys like Marv or Anax would get you banned faster than you could say "bullshit." How can we tell what's the shit from what's a piece of shit in such an environment?
And it's not just about headphones and audio. You may think Korea (and especially) Japan produces some batshit-crazy pop contents, but believe it or not we have a line. A line that is often overlooked due to or overshadowed by the exotic nature of said contents, but a line very easily crossed by Western-produced contents like South Park. I am a big fan of South Park but such TV shows being aired here is quite unimaginable, the majority of folks would condemn such a show made by morally deplorable vermins with no regard to human decency. Contrary to what many Americans may feel, America is a country where the freedom of speech far outweighs the need to uphold political correctness.
I don't blame you guys though, I actually envy those who cannot hear others' cry for freedom over the sound of their own freedom. :)
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TL:DR
Examples:
1-Little kid sucks at piano but westerners tell him how awesome he is and how he could one day be the next Mozart. Same kid, but easterners tell the kid he sucks something awful and needs more practice or suicide likely leading to multiple beatings with a cane.
2-I use the word 'gay' and some western person flips out as it is now magically inappropriate so all usage in any form must cease immediately. I use the same word and most easterners will make weird faces and gestures, and say gay people have mental problem, must have brain operation or shock to genitals.
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Interesting perspective, but I think there is a difference between mass media and interpersonal communication. US media (print, TV, etc.) is definitely more laissez-faire than Asian media which tends to be more govt. controlled or focused on how the 'whole' is represented culturally in a positive light (face). The US has absolutely no shame as a nation and airs every bit of dirty laundry for the world to see. Satire is actually a necessary tool for most western democratic societies to ensure the people retain their level of dominance and superiority over a monolithic govt. that could be used for oppression. However, on an individual basis on the micro level things change. The US is much more 'sensitive' about how people interact with each other with the exception of some alpha male type organizations like sports, military, etc. or straight up jackholes which every society has.
This points to key differences between what is considered culturally significant to different parts of the world. The West is more concerned with the individual, especially the US. So everything keeps being increasingly centered on interpersonal eggshells (see our Lachlan thread for more). The East is concerned with the whole of society, so you won't get the same level of social satire and critique as you would in the West. But on an individual basis, I've found pretty much any comment, embarrassing observation or verbal assault is good to go in most Asian societies (Japan and Singapore are outliers where politeness is strenuously enforced and expected. Japan is slowly losing that among newer generations IME, however.). Most Asians will say whatever the hell pops into their head at any moment in front of strangers they've never met without hesitation. I'm not even sure if most Asian languages even have a word for 'tact'. Maybe it looks like a Chinese symbol for person with duct tape wrapped around its head.
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But on an individual basis, I've found pretty much any comment, embarrassing observation or verbal assault is good to go in most Asian societies. Most Asians will say whatever the hell pops into their head at any moment in front of strangers they've never met without hesitation.
Interesting. This is is actually quite opposite of what I've experienced. I actually do have several American friends here in Korea, but here is the key difference. When I make a Korean friend, after we break the ice and get to know each other better, we throw jokes at each other but it is rather difficult for us to cross certain lines or swear unless we're really angry or drunk. Normally we don't even casually use swear words unless we're like childhood friends who've known each other for 10-20 years or more.
On the contrary, when I make an American friend, it's only a small matter of time before we become comfortable using f words and s words and being upfront and abrasive with our choice of words without intending offense. This is something I cannot normally do with my Korean friends.
I guess the keyword here is "Asian." I must've overlooked the fact that Asia is not only Korea and Japan but also includes at least 30 different countries with different cultural backgrounds. Statistically speaking, I assume the majority of the so-called "Asians" you've met in the USA were Chinese? China, despite being East Asia, actually has a culture quite distinct from that of Korea and Japan while the latter two are more alike than not.
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If you are a literal asshole you communicate in faeces and farts and Ace Ventura has nothing on you.
When you want to stay polite and not offend people, sorry it happens. Keep it simple and always have joke or compliment on the side.
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I dunno, life is short and I hate when I have a bad day. I do my best to minimize the negative effects that my actions or words may have on others. I think that's actually stronger than speaking your mind willy nilly.
My rule of thumb is to treat others how they treat me and it's doing alright so far. I'm not perfect in this, but I do my best.
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I think people who only have nice things about audio toys are assholes.
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I dunno, life is short and I hate when I have a bad day. I do my best to minimize the negative effects that my actions or words may have on others. I think that's actually stronger than speaking your mind willy nilly.
My rule of thumb is to treat others how they treat me and it's doing alright so far. I'm not perfect in this, but I do my best.
+ 1.
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It feels that my generation (Generation Y I suppose) has become overly sensitive. I grew up in a family where PC-ness wasn't important. Persian families are just like Asians or Jews except louder. Neighbors would call the cops during family arguments based on sheer volume. Maybe that's why I prefer to listen over 40dB. :P You guys should hear a Persian try to pronounce "nigger", it's hilarious. It's like when Harry Potter becomes a wizard and says "Voldemort" and people freak the fuck out. This has been talked about before, but it's always a hoot to get an immigrant's opinion on "social issues" in America. When people lack the "sensitivity" to understand these people's "struggles", all the PC bullshit going on in America just doesn't make any sense to them. A few members of my family would always talk about how we should have a third bathroom for homosexuals. :)p13 I do wonder how many kids in my generation had dads who would yell at them or deal out corporal punishment. No, of course, we need to keep our children safe and unscarred. Too many kids playing videogames and watching TV growing up rather than doing alpha male stuff. With my group of friends, if you didn't do stupid things you were a pussy or a fag. We would invent new cuss words rather than jerk each other off. My high school basketball coach was a salty Irishman who would swear at kids and grab them by the collar. I remember one freshman started crying and he laughed him out of the gym.
Now a bit later in life, my peers seem uncomfortable with that sort of brashness though. Race jokes and blonde jokes are no longer funny it seems. I have to be careful with slapping other dudes on the back; a lot of people are taken back by physical contact. I drop food in the dirt and stick it right back in mouth and people look at me like I'm some sort of animal. Very sheltered sort of mentality. I learned recently that my high school banned the word "retard". College campuses are doing the same sort of "inclusive" bullshit. I really have to wear a filter these days. They can ruin you in the name of PC-ness. I see forums as a natural escape from that PC world but of course that cancer is permeating in our direction too.
I realize I've shifted the discussion away from audio and toward PC-ness but might as well keep going. People who worry over getting offended are always the ones who are on the look-out for perceived slights against their _______. Being less sensitive makes life more fun and a lot less stressful.
I'm sure there are those who already think guys like Anax, Marv, or myself who have this mentality to be assholes. We won't worry about it.
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Dream Team Olympics... Announcers are introducing the team on TV:
Patrick Ewing... my grandmother says "So ugly! Looks like an ape!"
but before you PC folks go all "racist!" and shit...
Michael Jordan... "ahhh, he's quite handsome."
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Well, I do think that people have become rather thin-skinned and prone to butt-hurtness over stupid things. However I think the flip side of that is equally important, which is that Americans have a way of torturing themselves, ruminating in angst, and inflicting self-punishment for the act losing one's temper or getting too passionate and saying something too sharply. That is, many of us feel deeply uncomfortable with ourselves after our own emotional outbursts. We feel like we have done something terribly wrong, and it can stick in one's head, repeating the conversation internally etc. The lesson that I struggle with is the one I mentioned above, which is that sometimes you really do have to accept that passion, emotional content, even getting angry is valid, and doesn't have to be treated as a bad thing. Sometimes you may say something too strongly in the heat of an argument, but that often just means you are involved in what is being discussed, that you have a world view. Now obviously there is such a thing as the fuckwit that just demeans people; there is such a thing as an asshole, and sometimes apologies are necessary. But it's this fear and angst over expressing things emotionally that is an issue for many.
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America is like this because America has displaced and killed off most of the indigenous people and enslaved millions of abducted people.
1% of people are fuckwits and deserve to be abused ... and then thrown overboard. Most of you guys have no idea how many fucktard HF rejects this site had to deal with when it started. Anaxilus (and RD when he was around) is our ***designated*** asshole fucktard HF reject, so you guys will just have to deal with that.
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I assume the majority of the so-called "Asians" you've met in the USA were Chinese? China, despite being East Asia, actually has a culture quite distinct from that of Korea and Japan while the latter two are more alike than not.
No. I'm half asian dude, I don't have to go out of my way to meet different asians. I don't live in chinatown either. I've also been to China, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Mongolia, Nepal and Bhutan. No, my experience is not from bumping into a random Chinese dude on the street here.
Making friends is another thing altogether. I'm talking being around strangers you just met. I rarely hear an American I just met just drop the 'F' bomb, if so it's usually from me by accident. The kinds of things I've heard or seen from some Asians I've just met has literally stopped me cold in my tracks like WOW, is this for real? These are broad generalizations of course and I can think of exceptions to every case. I've seen some Italians and Germans do some crazy unbelievable things too.
I did meet an older Japanese fellow I almost punched out in Croatia. A bus arrived and as we all got on he started to shove and pack everyone inside with his forearms like he was the subway dude in Tokyo (he may well have been at one time). I'm sorry but you don't lay your hands on me, or my elderly mother if I don't know you. In Japan, anyone who's ridden the subway during rush hour would likely be okay with it. In the west, especially the US, you don't go around shoving strangers into a bus without getting your face smashed in.
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America is like this because America has displaced and killed off most of the indigenous people and enslaved millions of abducted people.
1% of people are fuckwits and deserve to be abused ... and then thrown overboard. Most of you guys have no idea how many fucktard HF rejects this site had to deal with when it started. Anaxilus (and RD when he was around) is our ***designated*** asshole fucktard HF reject, so you guys will just have to deal with that.
Anaxilus? I have experience with people who are worse. Coming from a family where arguments were as easily triggered as nitroglycerine I tend to first perceive information and later tone and manners. Thing is some people are only tone and manner of "speaking/writing" with no actual information.
Growing up in a multicultural religious family either screws you up or you start thinking for yourself. I chose thinking for myself to listen/read first for the information. I have learnt a lot that way...
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I try to be a "compassionate asshole". You know, kind of like how W was a "compassionate conservative". There is some nasty, weird, and mean shit out in the world, and its better to be direct, blunt even, about it, than to beat around the bush. When someone tells me I'm being an asshole, sometimes only a "fuck you" will do, but I want to be able to respond, "yeah, but I'm still right," or better still, "its because I know better than you."
To the OP, though, this is much harder via the internet, since inflection, tone, etc. is lost (for example the final quote in the above paragraph is laden with sarcasm, but may still be true). I find myself less likely to throw out asshole remarks in most online spaces because I have never met the people face to face. One of the big benefits about this place (if you live in CA or have a travel budget) is that most of you HAVE met in person, and have a feel for each other's demeanor, persona, etc. which facilitates direct dialog about all kinds of shit.
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The point is, if you actually manage not to be an asshole to anyone, then you are probably a spineless piece of shit.
Generally, I go for that. Being a spineless piece of shit contributes to having a peaceful life.
But I do not care for being treated as one.
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Generally, I go for that. Being a spineless piece of shit contributes to having a peaceful life.
Or getting yourself and/or others thrown in ovens.
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Generally, I go for that. Being a spineless piece of shit contributes to having a peaceful life.
But I do not care for being treated as one.
I have to disagree here. I once had to work with a big tough talking guy who would do close to nothing for a project. If he could get away with doing nothing and bullshit his way out, he would do it. It came to a point where he was getting away with it.
I am not big, nor do I look tough. (Something in my genes keeps me skinny, so be it.) The project was about to fail because big guy would not do his part. The group was assembled and I called for a short meeting. I showed everybody his lousy work and made him suffer while remaining extremely polite.
I had to teach him a lesson or he would get away with sabotaging an entire project. I stared him down until he surrendered and he ran away like a scared wimp. He learnt his lesson big time. It was either a failed project and standing by or saving the project and addressing acute problems. In the end the project was quite a success.
Sometimes people think they can fuck with you. Limit reached, you teach them a lesson they remember.
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Don't worry. You weren't an asshole to that guy. You were a dick. Only dicks can fuck assholes. If you hadn't been a dick to that guy, the entire project would have failed because everyone else was too much of a pussy to say anything.
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Whatever you call it, when I have to I simply make saboteurs suffer.
There are many ways. The less you have to say the harder you hit them. I used evidence as the medium in the anecdote. Big guy suffered, full stop.
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TIL - there are 2 kinds of people: dicks and assholes. And maybe pussies.
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I recommend you watch "Are You Being Served?" Feline pets deserve more appreciation.
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9f/15/e4/9f15e44124a012dbcda22407a0218eb9.jpg)
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the thing is... when you speak out your mind (with all the accompanied emotions) and if the person that is on the receiving end is also someone who is able to speak out his mind and get into whatever debate with you then all is well... :)p1
But if the person, with whom your having an exchange, is on the weaker end, then things can get ugly... You'll become the bad guy, the asshole. In such situations it might help to have the assholeness level toned down... if the relationship with this person is of some value to you.
Anyway am myself working on all these questions! so it was interesting to find a thread on this topic!
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I honestly don't know what this thread is about.
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I think people who only have nice things about audio toys are assholes.
What about people who have openly given bad reviews for products?! I am very confused as to where I stand anymore.
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Most Asians will say whatever the hell pops into their head at any moment in front of strangers they've never met without hesitation. I'm not even sure if most Asian languages even have a word for 'tact'.
My mother will talk about her bladder infection in excruciating detail to complete strangers... like the waiter when we're out for a family dinner. When I try to tell her that this is not only embarrassing but also incredibly uncomfortable for the waiter, she does not understand why.
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I honestly don't know what this thread is about.
Everything. And nothing
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Everything. And nothing
I had McDonald's this morning because I had a blazing hangover. In retrospect I don't think either idea was a good one, but I don't necessarily regret my decisions.
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Everything. And nothing
:)p13
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Xhp1GQ49VJA/ULsoCXpIkhI/AAAAAAAAAAo/EC-yaIpEwPs/s1600/%EC%BA%A1%EC%B2%982.PNG)
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KMcCiR3FAoY/ULsn4kYhHZI/AAAAAAAAAAg/PDN_qRXTDU8/s1600/%EC%BA%A1%EC%B2%981.PNG)
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I honestly don't know what this thread is about.
It is okay. You still have the schwartz.
(http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Spaceballs_c70734_845591.jpg)
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Ultrabike : ha, that was the first thing I thought about. Extended cut was a very good watch.
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This is a generation nothingness thing. In the past people were not called assholes for speaking out their mind, America has become ultra sensitive, maybe it's too much sand in the vagina, but people did not get offended so easily 20-30 years ago.
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This is a generation nothingness thing. In the past people were not called assholes for speaking out their mind, America has become ultra sensitive, maybe it's too much sand in the vagina, but people did not get offended so easily 20-30 years ago.
I partly agree. Thing is each era and generation has its own conventions and taboos. My father who was born in the 1940s has and had certain opinions that are politically incorrect in current mainstream media. He is an old Catholic. In his younger years you had to put up with all kinds of people and learn to live with different opinions the hard way: face to face.
Now the media tend to blow things up as if Michael Bay personally instructed them. People are more easily offended in the always on-line age. When you are not used to getting direct feedback or criticism it is so easy to be offended. Thing is the fine line between rudeness (including stupidity) and verbal abuse is very personal. Everybody has that remark that can set him or her off.
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speak out his mind
SEXIST ASSHOLE
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SEXIST ASSHOLE
Bet he uses a Thinkpad! Oops. Obviously I use a Thinkpad.
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I have, actually, to do this thing about being a dick to someone who is treating me as a spineless arsehole.
When its done, he'll think I'm the arsehole, but it won't worry me any more because I won't think about him at all.
Then I'll bury my head in my HD600s.
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SEXIST ASSHOLE
you see the weaker end has been offended! :)p13 hahaha (Disclaimer: am just kidding of course!)
Yes mam' I should have written "his/her" and "ladyboys" and "boyladies" and whatever else is possible!
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I have, actually, to do this thing about being a dick to someone who is treating me as a spineless arsehole.
When its done, he'll think I'm the arsehole, but it won't worry me any more because I won't think about him at all.
Then I'll bury my head in my HD600s.
You like cats. Cats are nice. When cats show their claws and strike they are mean. Afterwards they have this "I did not do it" look and you either exist or you do not exist. Regardless the cat then proceeds to do something else in a way only cats can do their thing.
If your HD600 is equivalent to a cat's napping place your cat has taught you well.
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:)p2 :)p13 :)p7
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http://www.amazon.com/Assholes-A-Theory-Aaron-James/dp/0804171351
and
http://www.onassholes.com/
local expert for you assholes