Samsung Galaxy S6

It seems all these random websites (CNET, Engadget, etc.) say the Samsung Galaxy S6 is super awesome, but this has been far from my own experience. There seems to be something very very wrong with sites like CNET, Engadget, etc. I wonder how much Samsung pays these professional review fookers?

To give you some background, the non-profit organization that I work for (my other job) has standardized on Samsung Android phones, so I really didn't have a choice. My personal phone is still the Sony Z3, so my frame of reference will be from the Z3. (I also owned HTC Incredible, and the trusty G1 in the past, so I am used to Android and how it has evolved.)

In a nutshell, the Samsung Galaxy S6 is a piece of shit. The people who designed it are a bunch of faggots (using the South Park definition of "fag": super annoying dudes riding Harleys with loud exhausts). The Galaxy S6 is super annoying to use. In my typical style, I will succinctly explain why in bullet points:

• In hindsight, I am glad the dude behind the counter at T-mobile told me to go for the Sony Z3. Even the girl who was helping me at the T-mobile store said the Samsung TouchJizz was super lame and ghey.
• Samsung places the camera button in the lower right of lock screen. Guess what happens when I grab the phone from my pocket with my thumb and index finger? Yup, I end up accidentally activating the camera. Dammit. Now everyone thinks I'm a pervert wanting to take photos under ladies' dresses. Maybe having the fastest camera launch in the business isn't such a great idea.
• The volume buttons are located on the left side up toward the top. Like way up. WTF? All other phones I've owned have had easy to reach volume buttons. I don't have hands the size of Le Bron. Changing the volume is a two handed affair. This is BS. I call BS on you Samsung.
• The right most icon at the button on the home screen is fixed to bring up the Apps. On every other smartphone I've owned, I placed the phone icon in the right most bottom position. I don't know why Samsung is locking that prime position of real estate to the Apps. Isn't the point of Android customization? WTF Samsung? What kind of faggotry is this?
• To add more insult to injury, Samsung has placed the back button on the right side and the task switcher button on the left side. This is totally opposite to other Android devices I own, including an older POS Samsung tablet. Now every time I think I am pressing the back button, I bring up the Task Switcher. WTF Samsung? What kind of faggotry is this?
• It gets even worse, the back button and task manager touch "buttons" are way way way too close to the bottom or side edge of the phone. When I am gaming, the base of my index finger and thumb accidently brush these buttons and fuck me up. This horrible design has cost me millions of gold and elixir in Clash of Clans. FU Samsung. 
• And finally, what's up with the tactile home button in the middle? Really, Android isn't Apple iOS and doesn't need to copy them. No idea what the people at Samsung were thinking.
• The camera lens on the backside protrudes from the body of the camera. Minor complaint I guess, just that is seems weird to have such a nice planed surface, and then have a funky bump sticking out from it.
• The speakers are on the bottom side and get blocked by fingers if holding the phone in landscape orientation to watch videos or play games. I believe Apple has the same problem. The Sony Z3 has speakers in the front of the phone.
• The touch screen is not as responsive as the Sony Z3 or Apple phones. It doesn't recognize certain quick light swaps (from muscle memory) that I can execute on the other phones.
• The screen contrast is poor and has a sickly yellow greenish tint. Sony's screen doesn't get as bright, but contrast is so much better an d color balance is neutral.
• The Galaxy S6 simply feels cheap. Heck, even the original iPhone felt like a higher quality product. The metal trim and huge seams that surround the edges of the phone give it a cheap appearance far worse than what the fancy photos on the Internet would indicate.

CONCLUSION:

The Samsung S6 is a lewser phone designed by lewsers for lewsers. Unfortunately, I have been forced to be a lewser because of this piece of shit.

P.S. And Apple has to sue these guys? Really?