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Author Topic: Being an Asshole  (Read 2432 times)

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graean

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Being an Asshole
« on: June 25, 2015, 01:27:18 AM »

I understand that there are varying levels, sides, interpretations, circumstances, and experience levels in talking to other people. And that when there is mismatch, one or more of the parties will come off as an asshole. It could be hyping gear, because you really really believe in it and it passes your personal tests, objective and subjective after spending some good time with it, or right after a gut reaction. And fear of becoming an asshole is an issue to me, and I guess many of us, as we try in our own ways to tell someone else how we hear things and our ideas. So let this be a thread of both sides. Of pissing people off and feeling bad or righteous and of getting flamed or screwed, whether because the person was simply stupid, incorrigiblely blunt, going through tough times, or is emotionally or intellectually incompatible.

As for levels, from decent to worse: testing with a question or statement, playful (off topic) joking, objectivity assault, assault on other's intelligence due to own lack of research into the other person and field, prolonged and irrational personal insults, Nwavguy inssurrection

For me, I feel like I'm an asshole when I don't contribute to someones topic or when I start a thread or request like this. So I still have that feeling going into this, and I try to make sure as high a percent of the readers will be able to understand. In a personal encounter, it usually courtesy, but I have a long face because I spend a lot of time reading and doing house work, in addition to regular ol' work, so I look pissed or long-yard starey. That's from me thinking and being tired so much of the time.

Others come off as assholes to me . . .almost never, unless it directly affects my wellbeing, and I can recognize it so (like I see my emotions from it bleed into family interactions, etc). Then I distance myself and exercise of something. So basically I trace responsibility back to myself.

It's kinda hard to balance opinion with consensus, responsiveness, and suggestion, especially if I've had a long day. But. My own self. So a somewhat universal philosophical underpinning on this here cranny in the audio hobby.

« Last Edit: June 25, 2015, 05:50:33 AM by graean »
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Anaxilus

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Re: On How Not To Be An Arrogant, Opinionated [expletive]
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2015, 01:40:38 AM »

U suck!   *:p :)p17

Personally I like to flip the script and put the onus on the end user. If you are offended by something it's your own fault. Shifting the burden the other way makes no logical sense and is simply non-sequitur. Western Victorian sensibilities of niceties are cute and all, but they promote insecurity and weakness. Better is the man who can stand in the face of a Hurricane than one who succumbs to a gentle breeze.

Most internet issues are either the result of lexical ambiguity due to lack of emoticons, language barriers or usually just a douchebag on the other end of his keyboard's kingdom. The typed word in the PC era amplifies emotion because EQ gaps are filled by personal bias and prejudices. I bet many issues would be resolved if people were forced to write cursive or hand written words using a tablet instead of a keyboard over the internet.
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graean

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Re: On How Not To Be An Arrogant, Opinionated [expletive]
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2015, 02:09:03 AM »

Sybmolism is so cool like that--that we have words and little context and fill them in. Internet is not a context starved domain. So Changstar has its own histories of what is acceptable atop those just normal from everyday life. Because there is no universal authority or immediate danger. So drama.

Its so useful for me when people fight online, especially if they are well informed. Even a well-informed, well-self-thought person because by the time its over, the conclusions about the product or service and reliability of the authors becomes apparent and it helps me identify patterns in the future.

But getting into fights myself. I try to avoid them but sometimes its like its to easy and fun to just walk into it and see the other person pissed off. And then realize why the hell their pissed off and feel sorry about it, slightly, and then nod it off. I once got my fingerprints on a multithousand dollar 270 mm yanagiba (sushi) in Beverly Hills at one of the two japanese cutlery stores there. I was trying to feel the consistency of the grind and polish of the knife, since I could still see hammer marks and kinda swirly marks from a kinda okay polish job. Note that the metal was damn hard, about 64 rockwell, and it was honyaki, the most esteemed of the knife constructions, and a sushi knife, the most esteemed of Japanese knives, and that I went there right after work at a CNC lathe (I smelled like coolant, oil, sweat, dirt, burnt metal).

So. Yeah. They guy, who was from Japan, and a smith himself, was pissed. Wiped the knife down furiously in tsubaki oil and took it to another building, separate from the store front. He, in that passive aggressive enemy for life kind of Japanese pissed.

That's the kind of asshole I'm like. In pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, and experience! (and in concession to the consequences!). Especially where there is little cross analysed conclusions and only traditional (or figureheaded) authority.
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maverickronin

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Re: On How Not To Be An Arrogant, Opinionated [expletive]
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2015, 02:12:02 AM »

Well, at least it wasn't his katana...

P.S.  How does my dictionary not have katana in it by now!?
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Marvey

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Re: On How (Not) To Be An Arrogant, Opinionated [expletive]
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2015, 04:00:10 AM »

This thread is stupid. It's unavoidable being an asshole to some thing, some person, some animal. I'm sure the Pope is an asshole to somebody. The Dalai Lama is an affront to the Chinese. CEE TEE tries not to be as asshole, but I'm sure the somebody on the Internet thinks he's an asshole when he (CT) runs over that person's base in Clash of Clans.

The point is, if you actually manage not to be an asshole to anyone, then you are probably a spineless piece of shit.

FWIW, if you want to play nice, here is a good place to go: http://headphone.guru

There are advantages and disadvantages to the approach you choose. Just pick the right one for you.






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lm4der

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Re: On How (Not) To Be An Arrogant, Opinionated [expletive]
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2015, 05:27:38 AM »

I do think that the western world,  particulary the U.S., is obsessed with not making offense, a fear of taking a stand that may be abrasive. A friend once said to me "you have to embrace your inner asshole". Ie quit worrying about what people think of you.
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anetode

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Re: Being an Asshole
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2015, 06:32:59 AM »

Asshole is OK, just don't be a fuckhead.
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songmic

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Re: Being an Asshole
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2015, 06:55:23 AM »

I do think that the western world,  particulary the U.S., is obsessed with not making offense, a fear of taking a stand that may be abrasive. A friend once said to me "you have to embrace your inner asshole". Ie quit worrying about what people think of you.

The western world, especially the US, is obsessed with not making offense? Oh please. No offense (and no pun intended), but coming from the Far East and having lived in the US as well as Korea and Japan, I can guarantee that Americans are far more prone to swear and make politically incorrect jokes in public than what most of us are accustomed to. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, in fact I do prefer such atmosphere and hence one of the reasons I like Changstar better than HF. Cutting the bullcrap and being straight-up honest, not being afraid to make an enemy or two, even if it means being an asshole to some self-righteous hypocritical pricks.

There are some online headphone communities in my country, comprised of seemingly decent-speaking folks, but all they do at the end of the day is to sugar-coat one crappy gear after another with fancy yet vague adjectives that have no objective value, treading carefully not to upset anyone but to my eyes nothing but a bunch of morons who are not there to discuss audio critically but rather to justify their blind purchases by sucking each other's cock. A typical comment by guys like Marv or Anax would get you banned faster than you could say "bullshit." How can we tell what's the shit from what's a piece of shit in such an environment?

And it's not just about headphones and audio. You may think Korea (and especially) Japan produces some batshit-crazy pop contents, but believe it or not we have a line. A line that is often overlooked due to or overshadowed by the exotic nature of said contents, but a line very easily crossed by Western-produced contents like South Park. I am a big fan of South Park but such TV shows being aired here is quite unimaginable, the majority of folks would condemn such a show made by morally deplorable vermins with no regard to human decency. Contrary to what many Americans may feel, America is a country where the freedom of speech far outweighs the need to uphold political correctness.

I don't blame you guys though, I actually envy those who cannot hear others' cry for freedom over the sound of their own freedom. :)
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Anaxilus

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Re: Being an Asshole
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2015, 07:39:11 AM »

TL:DR

Examples:
1-Little kid sucks at piano but westerners tell him how awesome he is and how he could one day be the next Mozart. Same kid, but easterners tell the kid he sucks something awful and needs more practice or suicide likely leading to multiple beatings with a cane.

2-I use the word 'gay' and some western person flips out as it is now magically inappropriate so all usage in any form must cease immediately. I use the same word and most easterners will make weird faces and gestures, and say gay people have mental problem, must have brain operation or shock to genitals.
______

Interesting perspective, but I think there is a difference between mass media and interpersonal communication. US media (print, TV, etc.) is definitely more laissez-faire than Asian media which tends to be more govt. controlled or focused on how the 'whole' is represented culturally in a positive light (face). The US has absolutely no shame as a nation and airs every bit of dirty laundry for the world to see. Satire is actually a necessary tool for most western democratic societies to ensure the people retain their level of dominance and superiority over a monolithic govt. that could be used for oppression. However, on an individual basis on the micro level things change. The US is much more 'sensitive' about how people interact with each other with the exception of some alpha male type organizations like sports, military, etc. or straight up jackholes which every society has.

This points to key differences between what is considered culturally significant to different parts of the world. The West is more concerned with the individual, especially the US. So everything keeps being increasingly centered on interpersonal eggshells (see our Lachlan thread for more). The East is concerned with the whole of society, so you won't get the same level of social satire and critique as you would in the West. But on an individual basis, I've found pretty much any comment, embarrassing observation or verbal assault is good to go in most Asian societies (Japan and Singapore are outliers where politeness is strenuously enforced and expected. Japan is slowly losing that among newer generations IME, however.). Most Asians will say whatever the hell pops into their head at any moment in front of strangers they've never met without hesitation. I'm not even sure if most Asian languages even have a word for 'tact'. Maybe it looks like a Chinese symbol for person with duct tape wrapped around its head.
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"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." - Lao Tzu

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songmic

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Re: Being an Asshole
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2015, 07:55:38 AM »


But on an individual basis, I've found pretty much any comment, embarrassing observation or verbal assault is good to go in most Asian societies. Most Asians will say whatever the hell pops into their head at any moment in front of strangers they've never met without hesitation.


Interesting. This is is actually quite opposite of what I've experienced. I actually do have several American friends here in Korea, but here is the key difference. When I make a Korean friend, after we break the ice and get to know each other better, we throw jokes at each other but it is rather difficult for us to cross certain lines or swear unless we're really angry or drunk. Normally we don't even casually use swear words unless we're like childhood friends who've known each other for 10-20 years or more.

On the contrary, when I make an American friend, it's only a small matter of time before we become comfortable using f words and s words and being upfront and abrasive with our choice of words without intending offense. This is something I cannot normally do with my Korean friends.

I guess the keyword here is "Asian." I must've overlooked the fact that Asia is not only Korea and Japan but also includes at least 30 different countries with different cultural backgrounds. Statistically speaking, I assume the majority of the so-called "Asians" you've met in the USA were Chinese? China, despite being East Asia, actually has a culture quite distinct from that of Korea and Japan while the latter two are more alike than not.
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